If someone never changes, s/he never has to face the challenge of how to integrate the past with the present. There is no tension, no challenge, no struggle. A life of growth progresses along an endless continuum, never needing to wrestle with the integrating of conflicting moments.
But is life meant to be static? How does one who leads a dynamic life, alive with change and growth, regard his/her past? When one has outgrown former passionately accepted beliefs, discarded well-accustomed habits; when one has "moved on", how can one look back without feeling the agony that perhaps time and energies have been wasted?
We may ask ourselves, when in our history did people ever undergo such cataclysmic changes: from Egypt to the desert, from slavery to freedom, from pointless acts of toil to those given with meaning and holiness. The fabric of their lives was forever and essentially altered. How should they look back? In present times, cumulative shifts such as our values, our ethics, our social dogmas such religions, education, political lies, the media, the earth changes, the world-wide catastrophes, the economic situation etc. are ongoing. How should we look back?
One possibility is denial. They/we can simply refuse to deal with their past. Shut the door and erase their/our previous lives. Clearly, their/our previous lives as "slaves" cannot compare in majesty or depth to their/our present state. Its mention may even be the cause of discomfort or embarrassment. Possibly, the easiest solution is simply not to look back. To disregard it entirely and to focus on the present, to throw themselves/ourselves fully into their/our lives and futures. Unfortunately, while this approach may be abundantly enticing, it entails a great measure of self-deception and repression. At least on a subconscious level, a human being is aware of his/her past; its delegitimization and denial will inevitably yield an unresolved tension, a concealed anxiety. Reminders of this past may often lead to reactions of aggression or anger.
A second possibility is recognition and acceptance. Looking back on the previous stages of one's life brings with it a smile and a sigh, "Ah, yes, that was a phase that I went through." Phases. Chapters in a life. Here there is no denial or repression, though also no integration. One's life remains a series of unconnected moments.
Perhaps, there exists a third possibility of contending with one's past. The past, that which has been discarded and remains distasteful, is symbolically represented by the bitter herb or pill. We must taste and talk about the bitterness.
Do we need to understand this bitterness of the past, on a deeper level. There is an old saying" When you have lemons, make lemonade." One can taste the bitterness of the lemon, however once the sugar is added the taste of bitterness and sweetness have become united. Now the joy of the present and the trials of the past have blended into one experience. The pain of tasting our bitterness is the first step toward our freedom. The bitterness was not simply a phase of our lives, rather the precipitating force behind our ultimate freedom.
The precipitating integration of the past and the present is not when one recognizes that there were many stages in one's life, but when one understands that all of these stages ultimately enabled us to become whom we am today. That my being is not just the product of the "good moments" and the "good decisions", but rather that I am the composite whole of all of my previous moments and decisions. I could not have become who I am today without all of my previous experiences, since they all ultimately yielded this personality.
The deepest level of integration of one's past together with one's present occurs when one can look back and say, "The powers and qualities that I am blessed with today are the composite result of my entire life. These qualities would not exist as they are if not for all of my previous experiences." The sweet taste of the present is inseparable from the bitter taste of the past. The sweetness would not exist if not for those times of bitterness.
No denial. Not merely a phase. Rather a whole life. .
